A Letter To My 20 Year Old Self

A Letter To My 20 Year Old Self

Have you ever just wondered what you’d say to your 20 year old self? My 20’s were by far the most emotionally challenging, eye-opening and self discovering years of my life! With just 1 week to go until the big 3-0 I thought why not write something now to reflect on a few years later to see how far I’ve come. I sometimes hope my 40 year old self would just turn up at my front door so that bitch can tell me how this fairytale goes. Oh well, here goes…

So we finally fixed our eyebrows 10 years later! Yup you heard right and get this – we now have microblading! But please for goodness sake take it easy on the tweezers!

I know you hate your shitty insurance job now but just TRUST ME on this one, your career over the next few years is going to escalate and it’s going to help you go places! Quite literally in fact, but we’ll get to that more in a bit. Just keep working at it and never let anyone make you believe that you can’t achieve your goals. It’s going to pay off big time!

At 21 you meet a guy. It gets very interesting now. You two end up dating for just over 4 years, you move in together, build a life and all that bullshit. He changes your life in more ways than you realise. He’s taught you so much about yourself, love, life, he opens up a whole new world to you. Now don’t get too excited! With the good times come the bad, well in this case there’s definitely more bad. At year number 2 the relationship becomes very toxic, he becomes abusive, manipulative and get this – you don’t actually leave the relationship. He ends up leaving you for someone else. Rude I know!

You struggle with the break up and fall into a 4 month depressive state. At one point you were so mentally unwell you were the weight of a small child. Yeah it was nice we got to be super skinny for a while but at this point people were starting to get worried. Before I go on I just need to stress that this has been the hardest thing you ever had to deal with in your 20’s! At the time you don’t see any way out of your misery but it honestly did get better over time. You need to stay strong when this happens, you’re going to want to give up but you simply can not because life does start getting better.

Something changed in you over New Years 2015 and you had felt a new sense of happiness, freedom and a new look on life. You started to get better by going out more, eating right again and making new friends. You were finally getting your life on track. However you’ll also soon learn that the relationship you had with *Brad resulted in you having trust issues, insecurities and an anxiety disorder. Still at 29 we’re getting anxiety and panic attacks and see a therapist when the going gets tough so I’m afraid that one stuck with us. We learn to contain the anxiety and manage it but it still affects certain aspects of our lives, relationships especially.

It’s not all doom and gloom! You won’t understand it at the time, but *Brad helps you with certain life-admin tasks by guiding you on how to get your European passport which ultimately helps you to travel and live overseas. If it wasn’t for him, you’d have no clue on how to get the passport and would probably still be stuck in South Africa. It sucks that he had to do us dirty like that but you gotta remember that everyone you meet in life is a season, a reason or a lesson. He was our reason and for that we need to be grateful. (At 29 we still hate him though!)

So at 27, you’re settled into an incredible job at an amazing company. You’ve actually done so well for yourself in terms of career progression. But you feel like something’s missing from your life. The idea to move to London becomes more and more real and you decide to finally pack up and go. See now how all the shitty things that happened are now blessings in disguise? That first rubbish insurance job you had paved the road to an insurance career which helps you make it in London. The horrible guy you gave 4 years of your life to helped you get your passport which made it possible for you to live in the UK. Everything really does happen for a reason.

So you finally embark on your journey to London with a one-way ticket and a heart full of hope just 2 months before you turned 28. I’m gonna call it now and say you were fucking crazy to go to a country you’ve never visited before with no plan in mind but we somehow made it! I’m not going to lie but in the beginning it was HARD! So much that we considered several times to just go back home. Obviously our determination trait stuck with us throughout times so we managed to power through and 3 months in we finally landed an amazing job in the city of London. We started to make new friends, new memories and we built a new life for ourselves. We also made 3 incredible best girlfriends and we can’t imagine what life would be without them. They’re just like you and nothing can drive a wedge between the 4 of you. I can’t wait for you to meet them!

I need to also warn you, when you’re finally ready to start dating again, unfortunately you enter into an era of modern dating. It’s completely different to what you know now. We have this thing called fuckboys and they’re going to be just your type! You need to try and avoid them but by 29 we’ve already burnt our fingers with a few. Basically they’re the newly revolutionised version of bad-boys. By this point we’ve been single for 5 years now and just about given up on on finding someone nice. I’m not sure if our heart will welcome anyone at this stage but time will tell. We’re still trying to heal from a recent almost-relationship that didn’t quite work out. You’ll realise that even the almost-relationships will hurt just as much as the real thing when they end.

And at 30 you jet off to one of our bucket-list holiday destinations, Miami to celebrate your birthday! With 3 of your besties, soaking up the sun on South Beach, life will be good to you!

If I can give you any advice for the next few years:

Always maintain your confidence, it really helps you out massively. Always dream big. Know that really fucked up things are going to happen in your 20’s but better days are coming. You’re still going to look 23 when you’re 29. Don’t stop using your anti ageing creams. Always take your birth-control. Read more books. Try your best to rather reply in the morning, and not when you’re drunk.

You’re doing just fine. Love you

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