I Went On My First Tinder Date!

I Went On My First Tinder Date!

If you had to ask any of my friends what Tarryn thinks about Tinder, they’d probably just laugh in your face and ask you to tell another joke, that’s how much of a disliking I have towards the app that seems to be taking over the traditional way of dating these days.

During December myself and a few friends had a few drinks and naturally we thought it would be cool idea to do something fun. Like create a Tinder account for myself! That poor account only lasted a mere 10 days. Douchebag upon douchebag graced the screen of my phone, not to mention the fuckboys that I already knew personally who were on there too. I decided to delete my account and try to meet guys the old fashioned way. Either way it wouldn’t have mattered if I had met someone as I had planned to leave the country in 3 months anyway.

On the 28th of March I arrived in my new home town, London. London is an amazing place filled with so many interesting people to meet and being a newbie to this big city (and upon recommendation from a friend) I decided to give good ‘ol Tinder one last go! But this time not for the purpose of dating someone because let’s get real here – a girl needs to get her shit together in a new country before even thinking about engaging in a relationship! I genuinely wanted to make some friends and meet cool and like-minded people who wouldn’t mind showing me awesome places and introducing me to good people.

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So I matched with this guy. Tall, dark hair, really he was my type but I promised myself that we were only going to be friends. We chatted for a day and decided to meet up and go for drinks the following night. The night actually went really well, no weird sexual passes from him that would ultimately make me run for the hills, he was actually really nice! So nice that we decided to go out the next night as well. We started off with some chilled drinks and then went to a more vibey scene so we ended up in a club in London. It was a fun night, we actually kissed a few times (yeah I know against my rules) and then the unthinkable happened,  my drink got spiked!

Thank goodness I’m okay and nothing terrible happened to me! But can you believe that? One minute I was fine and the next minute I could just about stand on my own two feet! It is scary to think now what had happened to me but it did and I can only just learn from the situation. The next thing I remember was getting out of a cab and throwing up alongside the road while this guy is holding back my hair. You can just about imagine my embarrassment! Long story short, I ended up passing out at this guy’s place, a person who I had only known for 2 days, woke up the next morning thinking what the fuck just happened. I’m not sure whether I should feel grateful that he was nice enough to help me or ashamed that something like that happened to me.

I don’t think it was the guy that spiked my drink though, but you never really know. There were a few times that I left my drink unattended throughout the night so it could really just be anyone. I’m not used to having to keep a close eye on my drinks as everyone in Cape Town is usually stingy with their drugs anyway. But jokes aside, lesson learnt!

Just as you thought that was the worst of it, I ended up having drinks with him a week later again. This time a lot more chilled. He introduced me to a good friend of his, we had wine and chatted. Obviously I apologized profusely about my behavior the previous week and he seemed to be understanding. But this is where the story gets interesting again.

His friend ends up messaging me like 2 days later suggesting we go out for a drink. My initial reaction was to say, hey like is your friend (Tinder guy) okay with it? Like I wouldn’t go have drinks with someone who my friend went out on a Tinder date with but that’s just me. He’s response was that he had asked the Tinder guy and he’s okay with it. Now I’m thinking what the hell is going on here?! Is Tinder guy passing me onto his friends? What a douchebag if he did!

After a few mojito’s I put on my brave-girl pants and decided to ask the Tinder guy if he’s giving his friends passes to go out with me. Turns out he’s friend didn’t ask him if he’s okay with it, but at the same time saying if I wanted to then he’s fine with it. So either his friend made a dick-move by going behind his back asking to hang out with me or Tinder guy is lying and is passing me off to his friends! Which leads me to my next assumption, do these guys work on a tag-team basis where the one reels the girl in from Tinder and then if he doesn’t like her hands her over to his friend?! My goodness! Tinder is a fucking dark world and anyone willing to go down that road goes at their own risk. I’m too nice for this shit! Since then, Tinder guy has ghosted me so I’m assuming that my gut feeling was right about them all along.

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Now let’s get one thing straight – Tinder is not the place to make friends. I repeat: TINDER IS NOT THE PLACE TO MAKE FRIENDS! Sure if you’re open to hanging out with a fuckboy then Tinder is right up your alley but as far as friends go, forget about it! They may tell you that they’re not in it for the sex or they also just want to be friends but truth be told, they’re telling 15 other matches on their profile the same thing!

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I’ve spoken to a couple of guys over the last few weeks about their Tinder use and did you know that when they swipe right on someone, they’re not even looking at the girls profile, in fact they’re not even looking at their phone! They’re busy with something else while their one hand is occupied with just swiping to the right. The way I found this out was a friend of mine handed over his phone to me to ask if I could swipe on a few girls on his Tinder. So just as I tried to swipe right I got this pop-up message saying that he had exceeded his number of swipes and would need to wait 4 hours to swipe right on someone again. Clearly a message I’ve never seen before but he had explained to me that that’s just how guys use Tinder.

Another guy I spoke to showed me that he did the same thing. Except this guy is married. MARRIED! His excuse was that he’s going through a divorce so that justifies his Tinder use. Imagine you going out on a date with someone, not knowing at all that he has a wife and kids waiting for him back home?? And you’ll never know because they’ll never tell you! Guys are dogs! Just like they’ll never tell you that they only use Tinder for sex!

And then the old classic, the day my ex-boyfriend matched with one of my friends on Tinder probably not knowing that me and her were friends. He portrayed to be the most amazing person on Tinder but none of the girls he was chatting up knew how abusive he was towards me. So how many more narcissistic, abusive douchebags troll the likes of online dating apps? Do I want to find out? No!

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Ladies, Tinder is nothing more than modern day prostitution in my opinion. Instead of a guy paying $$$$ on prostitution where he might run the risk of getting locked up where its illegal, why not just get on Tinder, take her for a few drinks, take her home and then seal the deal? Ever noticed how they’ll NEVER let you pay for anything? It’s because they’re “paying” you to put out later…

I fully understand that there are happy endings with some Tinder stories. A very good friend of mine is now actually dating someone who she met on Tinder and she’s happy so I’m happy for her. Yes they had to overcome a few hurdles to get where they are. I’m just not sure whether I could be with someone who might or might not be chatting up girls on Tinder while with you. That’s always a risk you take when you date someone from the online dating world I suppose.

There’s a saying that goes: “It’s not your girl, it’s just your turn” well here’s something: “A Tinder guy is everyone’s guy”.

Let that sink in.

 

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4 Comments

  1. April 25, 2017 / 6:18 PM

    Thanks Mics! Really glad you enjoyed the post.

    I think it’s really important for women to share their views and experiences on real life online dating scenarios as it might help the next woman to not be as naive as I was.

    ♥️♥️♥️

  2. Julie Olum
    April 25, 2017 / 9:10 PM

    Damn, that’s pretty crazy!
    Very interesting to hear other people’s experiences though, I’ve so far just used tinder while traveling so it’s a bit simpler to just state that I’m passing through a place, but now in a new city (just got to CT actually, ha) things will likely get a bit more sticky lol.
    Maybe I’ll blog about it too 😛
    FrameAmbition.com

  3. lukefolb
    April 27, 2017 / 12:13 AM

    I was very worried reading your post Taryn. I’ve read some harrowing accounts of Tinder dates gone wrong and I feared the worst when your post started to take a darker tone. I’m relieved to hear that nothing sinister happened to you. I feel as men we need to strive to root out the bad Tinder practices that have filtered into the mainstream usage of the app. We can only do this by being very honest with ourselves in confronting all the faults us as men commit while using Tinder and we need to seriously take a long hard look in the mirror about how we conduct ourselves. I could not, in good conscience, continue to use the app after reading your post. It did not feel right to ethically be apart of something that has had its purpose so fundamentally corrupted for lustful gain. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story.

    • April 27, 2017 / 11:37 AM

      I count myself lucky, Luke! It could have ended so badly and I’m so grateful that I got off easy this time. It’s a sad reality that men use Tinder for their own sadistic pleasures but it is what it is unfortunately. That’s never going to change. I really contemplated writing about my experience but so glad that it’s had a positive impact. Hopefully my story will help other women to be a little more smart when using the app

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